For some reason, the past two weeks old memories, feelings, and thoughts have crept back into my head. 

You know when you have a dream, you see the person there, you talk to them and maybe have a good conversation, but you know that it’s not them. It’s just a shell. Couple of night ago, I had a conversation with you, and it was really you. I felt your presence in the dream. We both realized how crazy it was that we knew we were dreaming and that it was both us, and we talked for hours about how our lives have been and what we wished happened. It was so surreal. 

Wish I could explain the thoughts in my head, or just be able to write something down on a piece of paper that could reflect it. 

I’m trying my hardest to move into this next part of my life, but something is pulling me back, keeping me back. For a reason? Or just scared to move on. 

(Source: s-gellar, via thatfunnyblog)

Losing You

I used to think I couldn’t go a day without your smile.     

Without telling you things and hearing your voice back.

Then, that day arrived and it was so damn hard but the next day was harder. And I knew with a sinking feeling it was going to get worse and I wasn’t going to be okay for a very long time.

Because losing someone isn’t an occasion or an event. It doesn’t just happen once. It happens over and over again. I lose you every time I pick up your favourite coffee mug; whenever that one song plays on the radio, or when I discover your old t-shirt at the bottom of my laundry pile.

I lose you every time I think of kissing you, holding you or wanting you. I go to bed at night and lose you, when I wish I could tell you about my day. And in the morning, when I wake and reach for the empty space across the sheets, I begin to lose you all over again.

I don’t want the failure of my last relationship to be the reason why I fall for the next one. Especially not when I care this much and feel this much for last relationship.
I fathoms me how people can just jump into bed and just become physical with someone. Call me old fashioned.
Quality of quantity.
I don’t like the world we live in today, how people can throw away relationship as if it were nothing. That there is little attempt to try and fix the problems.
I hate how movies and quotes on tumblr have distorted love and passion for one another.
Romance and being inspired by your significant other is what drives a true relationship. Understanding and caring about the faults.

I would give anything. I would sell my soul to talk to her one more time to set everything straight. I would crawl on my knees to the top of a mountain just so she would listen for a couple of minutes. It kills me knowing that I was the one to walk away… It destroys me to know that she keeps away.
But I am happy. I like to believe she’s happier, or that more opportunities are in her path without me. That’s something a lot of people don’t understand. They’re too busy trying to raise a kid alone. Jumping in bed based on looks.
It’s funny, I always say that I would never be the guy to do that, even if I was given a chance. I still believe that, but how could I really know.

Truth is, nothing scares me anymore.

Maybe you’re a completely different person by now, but there will always be that part in you that’ll be me. That will never fade. Maybe there will be a right time to try and be friends again, and maybe that time passed.

All I can say is, nothing does scare me anymore. I had lost what I most afraid of losing. You always thought it was crazy to love someone more than your own life, but truth is, that’s what the most beautiful thing is. I lost you, I’m not afraid of dying.

I can say all of this, for one, only about 7 people follow me, whom maybe one will see this, but won’t read it. Two; I just need to get this out of my head. This isn’t everything I need to say, just what my thumbs could type at the moment. And lastly, I know you’ll never see it. However, telling you what is on my mind was never an issue.

It’s been months, but what feels like 4 lifetimes. I wish everything is well and better than I could hope.

I figured if my heart stop beating, it wouldn’t hurt so bad.

I gave thoughts to opinions that didn’t matter. I listened to voices that knew nothing on the subject. I did the exact thing I knew I wasn’t suppose to do. But worst of all, I let myself believe it.

I took everything for granted. Even though I knew that’s what could end it.

I let myself be influence by anything and everything around me.

I tried to write a book that was already written.

I wasn’t being myself.

I was just a kid.

I want to invent a re-do button, but at the same time I don’t.

I want to be selfish, but that’s not what I am.

I want to get these thoughts, and emotions out, but the only person that would understand and could relieve this weight, hates me. So that part of my life will always be an “I don’t know.”

I just wish this, or any of this made sense.

Everything happens for a reason, but there’s no logic behind this.

I could write, type, or scream off the top off a hill about how much it hurts and how much I miss everything, but it wouldn’t change a thing.

All I hope you know is, throughout it all, the one thing I’m 100% positive about, is how much I cared about you. Everything about you. The bad, the ugly.

I’ll always carry this with me.

I didn’t know I had a soul, until I thought about where you made me feel happy.

I’ll always love you.


the best teacher ever

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(Source: fourlokoqueen)





Bob scrubbin’ your blog.

Thanks bob

I underestimated this show






Bob scrubbin’ your blog.

Thanks bob

I underestimated this show


(via la-senora-kahlo)